You may be familiar with the following story:
Once upon a time a farmer eked out a living from the land
with the aid of his son and their big strong horse. One day the horse ran away.
‘Oh dear’ said friends and neighbours ‘What a disaster!’ ‘Maybe so, maybe so,’
said the farmer. The horse returned, bringing with him a mate, which the farmer
also set to work on the land. ‘What good luck!’ exclaimed the neighbours. ‘Maybe
so, maybe so’, said the farmer. Then the son, trying to ride the new horse,
fell off and broke his arm. ‘Oh dear’ said friends and neighbours ‘What a
disaster!’ ‘Maybe so, maybe so’ said the farmer. The army came by, press
ganging new recruits, but wouldn’t take the farmer’s son because of his broken
arm….. and so on and so forth.
I tell this story now, because here in the Davis - Birkett
household we’ve been having a similar set of up-down-up experiences, and this
story reminds me not to get too down about anything, because you never know
what’s around the corner. However, the story suggests that you should never get
too ‘up’ about anything either, for the same reason.
Rudyard Kipling suggested
that you’re mature only when you can look disaster and triumph in the face and ‘treat those two imposters just the same’ and Buddhists would talk about the supreme importance
of non- attachment. Attachment is what keeps us re-incarnating in this painful world.
But do I really have to give up feeling joyful about certain
occurrences, in order not to get down about others? True, if I were less
attached to my husband or son I probably wouldn’t get as upset as I would now
if anything were to happen to either of them, but people who won’t commit to
relationships or allow their children close for that reason are usually
considered damaged!
Perhaps I need to practise feeling joyful without getting to attached to that feeling...
I would like to know what others think. As this site seems to
have trouble accepting and publishing people’s comments, you can always email
me at helenjdavis1955@gmail.com,
and I’ll put it on this blog.
Marti Atkins has emailed me the following comment, which I've found very helpful:
ReplyDelete"Stephen Fry has commented that his bi-polar condition is the key to much of his success and something of a Curate's Egg in the original sense of the Punch cartoon, where his own sense of well being is the lord to be appeased. Is that much anguish necessary to enjoy the good times with passion? Probably not from a personal perspective but difficult times and gratefully acknowledged good times, with management, offer the potential for the day-to day average to be higher. If that corresponds a fulfilled ability to manage the difficulties so much the better."
Thinking further on what Marti has said, above, I think this also probably speaks to the concept of 'anti-fragility' and increasing that capacity in ourselves.
ReplyDeleteFrancine Winch has emailed me the following
ReplyDelete"Hi Helen, just logged on to your blog via my Facebook page – must be raining outside!!
A-propos of your recent post, my dad used to say ‘things are never as good as you hope or as bad as you fear’ and I have found this to be true..... and I really do think that a lot of things balance out the perceived ill effects with unexpected consequences.
Perhaps see you soon?
Fran"
Thanks Francine (I ordered the rain specially, as traffic on my blog had gotten slow!) I like your dad's saying. Looking back over my 50 odd years, it's been undoubtedly true.
Mine and David's life is like trying to get out of a maze at the moment - we keep rushing down interesting turnings only to find dead ends. But we haven't run out of supplies yet...
Love,
H
(PS - I'll be back in touch soon to see when you can next into London.;)
Ian Smith has sent the following comments:
ReplyDelete"Helen, I can't offer too much here but your Blog reminds me of a condition I have (SEEB as it is known medically*). On a scale ranging from minus ten to plus ten, why is it that when Spurs win well, the happiness indicator lifts to about plus six on the scale but when they lose its at about minus nine? Or more interestingly when Arsenal lose, its at plus nine. What can I do shift my happiness factor a few points to the right?
*SEER - Saturday Early Evening Blues."
Thanks Ian. I have learnt not to be around you when Spurs have lost badly and Arsenal have won well. Like I have learnt not be around my husband when Spurs have lost badly and Man U have won (I'm not allowed to say 'won well')
H.